Introduction
In many organisations, there is an almost romanticised idea of being “together”. Away days, stand-ups, shared lunches, and after-work drinks. Because if we are together often enough, connection happens. Right?
For many neurodivergent people, it works differently. Social interaction does not automatically equal connection. Sometimes, it is even the exact opposite.
I often say in my talks:
“Maybe being more alone makes you less lonely.”
And I see people nodding in relief, because it feels so recognisable.
But connection is not created by more meetings, office days, or outings. Instead, it comes from:
- Being allowed to be yourself
- Not constantly having to be "social"
- Space to think, reflect, and recharge
- Respect for your way of working
- Being valued for your talents
For many neurodivergent people, social interaction costs energy. Not because they do not like people, but because it requires constant adjustment. That is demanding. When you are constantly “on”, you actually drift further away from yourself. That feels lonely. And disconnected.
- You can sit in a crowded open plan office and feel alone.
- You can spend all day in calls without any real connection.
- You can be at a team day and feel lost.
In many organisations, there is an implicit rule: those who spend a lot of time together are engaged. Those who withdraw are less so. But for some, alone time is actually a prerequisite for feeling connected. When you do not have to react or mask, peace arises. And strangely enough, that reduces a sense of loneliness.
Why being more alone can mean being less lonely:
Alone time reduces social fatigue
When you are less exhausted, you feel less cut off from yourself.Alone time increases authenticity
You do not have to mask or follow a social script.Alone time deepens your thinking
For many neurodivergent people, thinking is not a task but a natural state. Thinking is connection with ideas and associations.Alone time provides autonomy
Autonomy is one of the strongest predictors of wellbeing: having the space to do your work your way.Alone time prevents superficial interaction
One good conversation is better than ten social obligations.Alone time protects against group pressure
You can remain true to your own insights and your own judgement.Alone time creates a safe self connection
And those who feel connected to themselves feel less dependent on external validation.
THE QUESTION IS NOT
“How do we ensure people spend more time together?”
BUT RATHER
“How do we ensure people feel safe enough to be themselves?”
Less together. More connection.
P.S.: This is not an argument against being together. It is an argument against the automatic equation of being together with connection.
Together for a brain friendly workplace!
Real connection is not created by the hours we spend together, but by the space we give each other to be ourselves. Understanding that alone time is the path to deeper engagement for many people changes the dynamics in every team. Would you like to explore how to build a culture within your organisation where autonomy and genuine connection go hand in hand? Let’s discuss a brain friendly approach.
Our Neurodiversity Trainings
We help leaders and teams create an environment where every brain can function optimally.
For Teams: Learn to respect each other’s need for silence and space to increase collective impact.
For Leaders: Discover how to manage based on trust and results by giving employees control over their own workspace and time.
For HR: Design your processes and office layout so that both peace seekers and social butterflies can fully utilise their talents.
Are you ready for the next step?
